JOKES

Here you can chat about anything that's not Warriors related.

Moderators: Mr. Crackerz, JREED, Guybrush, hobbes

User avatar
Hall of Famer
Posts: 21221
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2005 7:50 am
Location: Perth
Poster Credit: 25
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 6:01 am
Tight Skirt, Bus Stop

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"

Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."
Image



Image


migya make the ring fall on ya
User avatar
Hall of Famer
Posts: 21221
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2005 7:50 am
Location: Perth
Poster Credit: 25
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 6:03 am
Pharmacist Phun

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"
Image



Image


migya make the ring fall on ya
User avatar
Hall of Famer
Posts: 21221
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2005 7:50 am
Location: Perth
Poster Credit: 25
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 6:04 am
Yo mama's so Nasty

Yo' mama so nasty, I asked what was for dinner and she spread her legs and said "Crabs!"
Image



Image


migya make the ring fall on ya
User avatar
Hall of Famer
Posts: 21221
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2005 7:50 am
Location: Perth
Poster Credit: 25
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 6:08 am
Three Girls Go Camping

One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.

Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."
Image



Image


migya make the ring fall on ya
User avatar
All Star
Posts: 3042
Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2006 5:42 pm
Poster Credit: 0
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 9:30 am
Two cannibals are eating a clown.

The first one says to the second one "does this taste funny to you?"
To Live is A Value Judgment - Albert Camus
3 reasons for living: Jazz, Hoops and women

President Barack Hussein Obama - America chose Hope over Fear
ImageImage
User avatar
All Star
Posts: 3086
Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2006 9:51 pm
Location: Redwood City, CA
Poster Credit: 0
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 9:53 am
Um....ha?
User avatar
All Star
Posts: 3042
Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2006 5:42 pm
Poster Credit: 0
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 9:21 pm
John Patrick wrote:Um....ha?

wow...never mind, it's pretty clear
To Live is A Value Judgment - Albert Camus
3 reasons for living: Jazz, Hoops and women

President Barack Hussein Obama - America chose Hope over Fear
ImageImage
User avatar
All Star
Posts: 3086
Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2006 9:51 pm
Location: Redwood City, CA
Poster Credit: 0
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 9:26 pm
I got it... it was just a bad joke... :cry:
User avatar
Hall of Famer
Posts: 13480
Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2005 10:03 pm
Location: Golden State
Poster Credit: 51
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 9:45 pm
You want bad jokes???

Q: How much do pirate earrings cost?
A: A buccaneer

Q: You're American before you go to the bathroom, you're American when you walk out. What are you when you're 'in' the bathroom?
A: European

Q: A smart blonde, a dumb blonde, and Santa Claus jump off a bridge. Who hits the water first?
A: The dumb blonde. The other two don't exist.
Image
GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS DIE HARD
Image
Image
User avatar
All Star
Posts: 3086
Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2006 9:51 pm
Location: Redwood City, CA
Poster Credit: 0
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 9:49 pm
The worst joke ever:

What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?

Damn.
User avatar
All Star
Posts: 3042
Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2006 5:42 pm
Poster Credit: 0
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 10:29 pm
John Patrick wrote:I got it... it was just a bad joke... :cry:

I guess to you, it is, dude - we just have to disagree. we can all start rating the jokes if we want to, but it's pretty subjective
To Live is A Value Judgment - Albert Camus
3 reasons for living: Jazz, Hoops and women

President Barack Hussein Obama - America chose Hope over Fear
ImageImage
User avatar
All Star
Posts: 3086
Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2006 9:51 pm
Location: Redwood City, CA
Poster Credit: 0
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 10:32 pm
Alright, fair enough.

Rookie
Posts: 46
Joined: Thu Oct 12, 2006 9:14 am
Location: France
Poster Credit: 0
PostPosted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 6:12 am
Tried to understand all your jokes Migya and I think the first is excellent boy :!: :)
But I don't understand the others i'll translate it.
Excellent jokes.
User avatar
Starting Lineup
Posts: 502
Joined: Tue Mar 07, 2006 9:05 am
Poster Credit: 0
PostPosted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 7:56 am
#32 wrote:You want bad jokes???

Q: How much do pirate earrings cost?
A: A buccaneer

Q: You're American before you go to the bathroom, you're American when you walk out. What are you when you're 'in' the bathroom?
A: European

Q: A smart blonde, a dumb blonde, and Santa Claus jump off a bridge. Who hits the water first?
A: The dumb blonde. The other two don't exist.


I got one to add...


Q: Where does a pig park it's car?
A: In a porking lot.
User avatar
Hall of Famer
Posts: 13480
Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2005 10:03 pm
Location: Golden State
Poster Credit: 51
PostPosted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 8:40 am
An old hobbo walks into an empty bar. The bartender whips him up a scotch on the rocks and he walks around the bar with it. He notices an old, dusty piano in the corner.

"Do you mind if I play your piano, sir?" the hobbo asks.

"No, go right ahead." the bartender answers.

The man starts playing the most upbeat, fun-sounding song the bartender's ever heard in his life. It lasts about 5 minutes before he finishes. By that time, the bartender comes out from behind the bar and is clapping his hands off.

"That was the best damn song I ever heard! Who wrote that?"

"I did, sir."

"Wow! What do you call that?"

"I call it, 'Slaughtering Bambi's mother in front of him'."

The bartender is taken aback by the weird title, but just shrugs it off.

"Do you have anymore songs you wrote?"

"Sure, lemmie play another one."

The man sits back down and plays another amazing tune; this one almost forces the bartender to drop his apron and start dancing. It lasts about 7 minutes.

"Wow! That was incredible! What do you call that one?"

"I call it, 'The Spiked Dildo".

The bartener just sits there confused for a minute... and then an idea pops into his mind.

"Hey look, pal. This old bar used to be a real hot spot back in it's day... but business has been slow for a while. For some reason, the people stopped coming. I'll bet with my drinks and your piano skills, we could get this place jumping again! We'll split the profits 50/50! What do you say?"

"Sure!" the hobbo says.

"There's just one thing," the bartneder continues, "The names to your songs are kinda crude, so would you mind not telling any of the custumors the titles to them?"

"Sure, no problem." the hobbo says.

A week later, they officially re-open the bar and the place is jumping with people. The bartender is making drinks after drink... and the hobbo is giving everybody a song to dance to. Every time he plays, it's something different that nobody's ever heard before. After a few hours, he leaves to take a bathroom break.

When he comes back from the bathroom, a small woman approaches him.

"Excuse me, sir," she starts, "Do you know your fly's down and your dick's hanging out for everyone to see?"

"Know it??!" the hobbo yells, "I wrote it!"

:wink:
Image
GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS DIE HARD
Image
Image
PreviousNext

Return to Off-Topic Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron