JOKES

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 6:12 am
Joke: Scotsman and Baseball

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country, and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring, "Run....run!"
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent, "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!"

A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams, "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!"

The next batter holds his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk. The Scotsman stands up yelling: "R-r-run ya Bahstard, r-r-run!"

All the surrounding fans chuckle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whispers, "He doesn't have to run, he got four balls."

The Scotsman yells even louder, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!"



:mrgreen:
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migya make the ring fall on ya
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 10:20 am
Don't you love baseball?. Not even an enlightened inhabitants of Scotland can't understand it... :mrgreen:
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 10:20 am
How do you turn a fox into a elephant? :dontknow:



Marry her!
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 3:51 pm
AHAHAHAHA! Great one, Big B!

*

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants and orders two bottles of rum. The bar tender asks him if he realizes there's a steering wheel down his pants.

The pirate answers, "Aaargh! It's driving me nuts!"
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 7:35 pm
hahahahahahahaha

Two fukin pearlers, well done boys! :mrgreen:




A blonde at school
A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" Very good," said her mother. Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said. "Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes it's because you're blonde."
The next, the girl came home from school. Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No Honey,it's because you're 24!!"
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migya make the ring fall on ya
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 7:36 pm
Pharmaceutical understanding

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide right away. The pharmacist naturally was concerned by such a request and asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license. They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you cannot have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
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migya make the ring fall on ya
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 8:22 pm
HAHAHA, pure gold, miggy!

*

An old lady came into a courtroom on charges of theft. The judge asked her what she stole.

"A can of peaches, Your Honor"

"Why did you steal them?"

"Because I was hungry."

The judge sat back and chuckled to himself.

"Well, how many peaches were in the can, mam?"

"Three, Your Honor."

The judge shook his head and announced the sentence:

"Well then, I sentence you to three days in prison."

Before the sentence could be finalized, an old man stood up and interrupted.

"Excuse me, Your Honor," he said, "I'm her husband...

... And she also stole a can of peas."
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 8:36 am
:cheers: Good sh*t fellas.

How about this one....

What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other? :dontknow:


"Hey, we do taste like chicken".
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 8:41 am
One of my favorite jokes all time is..... Migya! :mrgreen:
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 10:39 am
Here's a f'ed up one I heard a while back:

"Wanna hear a joke?"

"Sure."

"Women's rights."

:mrgreen:
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 3:59 pm
Here's a good one...

What happens when you give a politican viagra? :dontknow:


They're all dicks, they just get taller...
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 1:01 am
#32 wrote:Here's a f'ed up one I heard a while back:

"Wanna hear a joke?"

"Sure."

"Women's rights."

:mrgreen:




:mrgreen:

They have the right to open the mouth only when going to suck
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migya make the ring fall on ya
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 2:41 am
migya wrote:
#32 wrote:Here's a f'ed up one I heard a while back:

"Wanna hear a joke?"

"Sure."

"Women's rights."

:mrgreen:




:mrgreen:

They have the right to open the mouth only when going to suck


Spoken like a true moderator... :mrgreen:
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 5:56 am
Computer Diagnosis

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
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migya make the ring fall on ya
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 5:59 am
I Like Your Thinking

A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'' She calls on little Johnny.
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''

The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'' Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''

''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.''
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migya make the ring fall on ya
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